I Am the Captain of My Soul, and Other Lies We’ve Believed
This summer I’m spending some time with the titles for parents…that you won’t find in the Parenting section. You can see the full list in our Mended Wood Library Guide.
The above line is from the poem “Invictus,” penned by William Ernest Henley during the Victorian period. Henley had suffered a number of health setbacks and wrote this poem as he recovered from a series of surgeries that saved his foot from amputation (he had already lost one foot due to complications from tuberculosis). It is a classic expression of determination—something he no doubt needed under such challenging circumstances. You can read the full poem right here.
I remember seeing these lines on posters in college dorm rooms; they are a frequent rallying cry for athletic teams. There’s even a movie about the South African rugby team by the name “Invictus.”
The problem is…these lines are not exactly true. While I sympathize with the sentiment to try to conquer whatever circumstances are currently befalling us, we are still at the mercy of the tides. We cannot control the seasons of our lives. This reality can be a source of very real discomfort and anxiety.
Enter O. Alan Noble’s book, You Are Not Your Own. Noble spends time exploring why we feel so ill at ease: for historical/theological reasons, but also for reasons that are unique to our day and age. We live in what he calls an “inhumane” time, one that demands too much of us and asks us to make our own identities.
The title of Noble’s book is based on the first question of the Heidelberg Catechism, “What is your only comfort in life and death?” The catechism answers: “That I am not my own, but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ.”
Why This Book is Good for Parents
This book helped me as a mom in a few ways:
- I recognized that my own limitations are not only just a part of being human, but are graciously implemented by a caring, personal God. Moms can try to do everything all at once, and we get frustrated when we can’t. But the design of God for us is just that…limited. And this is the kindest thing God could do for us. When the Psalms talk about the boundary lines falling in pleasant places, it isn’t just what’s inside the boundaries that’s pleasant. It’s that the boundaries exist in the first place.
- Once I spent time with the thoughts around “you are not your own,” I started to see how this little idea—that we make ourselves—pops up nearly everywhere. It’s pervasive. Noble does a good job talking about this while not giving way to the untruthful ideas that might surface in opposition: ideas that grow and become abusive.
- I recognized a familiar paralysis in my kids as they grew. Our moment in time makes everyone aware of everything. Kids are presented with the idea that they can “do anything.” With so many choices, how will they choose correctly? This environment immediately introduces fear, and most kids land in a place where it is better not to choose than to choose incorrectly. Noble spends a lot of time on this myth, ultimately coming from the lie that we have to make our own identities. We don’t! They are secure with God in Christ.
- I was reminded that I am created, loved, and seen by a kind Father. What is better to impart to our children than that they are desired and loved?
When she’s not behind her laptop, Kelly enjoys live music, baseball, reading great books, and traveling with her husband, David. Kelly hails from beautiful snowy New England, but after two decades in North Carolina, she feels right at home.
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- Story Warren Weekend, Vol. 14, Issue 25 - July 11, 2026
- Pearls Before Breakfast - July 6, 2026
- The Stories We Hear - July 6, 2026
Have you ever read the poem \”Conquered by Christ\” by Dorothea Day? It\’s written in the same style as \”Invictus\” but rejoices in Christ as the Captain of our souls.