Rebecca: Who Slammed Doors For Fun And Perished Miserably

Here is another delightfully short, hilarious poem. It’s so hilarious, in fact, that the author’s name is Hilaire. Hilaire Belloc was a friend and ally to G.K. Chesterton and that is all I have to say about that.  –Sam

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Rebecca

Who Slammed Doors For Fun And Perished Miserably

 by Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953), illustrated by Basil T. Blackwood

A trick that everyone abhors

In little girls is slamming doors.

A wealthy banker’s little daughter

Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater

(By name Rebecca Offendort),

Was given to this furious sport.

She would deliberately go

And slam the door like billy-o!

To make her uncle Jacob start.

She was not really bad at heart,

But only rather rude and wild;

She was an aggravating child . . .

It happened that a marble bust

Of Abraham was standing just

Above the door this little lamb

Had carefully prepared to slam,

And down it came! It knocked her flat!

It laid her out! She looked like that.

Her funeral sermon (which was long

And followed by a sacred song)

Mentioned her virtues, it is true,

But dwelt upon her vices too,

And showed the deadful end of one

Who goes and slams the door for fun.

The children who were brought to hear

The awful tale from far and near

Were much impressed, and inly swore

They never more would slam the door,

—As often they had done before.

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S. D. Smith

S. D. Smith is an author, a lover of chocolate chip cookies, and a founder of Story Warren. Sam was born and raised in West Virginia, lived in South Africa as a teenager, and returned to West Virginia for his (so-far) extensive adulthood. Sam and his beloved wife, Gina, have four children, two of whom have embarked on adulthood themselves. It was at their home in the Appalachian hills where he told his children many stories, including some featuring heroic rabbits with swords. These later became the Green Ember Series, a now-popular work of moral imagination that has delighted millions around the globe. Sam is a devoted Christian, a lifelong Mountaineer fan, and an enthusiast of sports, books, and humorous things.

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