The Dining Habits of Polonius Wheeler

Art by Zach Franzen

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The Dining Habits of Polonius Wheeler

By S. D. Smith

THERE was a large giant who lived in the woods,
His name was Polonius Wheeler.
He mostly was nice, just a singular vice,
He sometimes became a sheep-stealer.

Wheeler rolled in, nonchalant, to the meadow,
And much to the shepherd’s chagrin.
He grabbed wriggling bunches and gobbled with munches,
The poor, little lambs near to him.

But what was our sad, huge Polonius to do,
With an appetite fixed upon lamb?
Nibble on finches? Settle for pinches,
Of berries, and jellies, and jam?

One must have meat, whatever your size,
Sparing people, what else can he do?
He must balance his diet, without causing riots,
For giants need some protein too.

Let him gobble a chubby white sheep now and then,
And let him eat cake without fuss.
For if he began fancying Englishmen,
He’d sniff and come swiftly for us.

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(Note: This poem and art have appeared here on SW before, a few years ago.)