The Dining Habits of Polonius Wheeler

Art by Zach Franzen

—

The Dining Habits of Polonius Wheeler

By S. D. Smith

THERE was a large giant who lived in the woods,
His name was Polonius Wheeler.
He mostly was nice, just a singular vice,
He sometimes became a sheep-stealer.

Wheeler rolled in, nonchalant, to the meadow,
And much to the shepherd’s chagrin.
He grabbed wriggling bunches and gobbled with munches,
The poor, little lambs near to him.

But what was our sad, huge Polonius to do,
With an appetite fixed upon lamb?
Nibble on finches? Settle for pinches,
Of berries, and jellies, and jam?

One must have meat, whatever your size,
Sparing people, what else can he do?
He must balance his diet, without causing riots,
For giants need some protein too.

Let him gobble a chubby white sheep now and then,
And let him eat cake without fuss.
For if he began fancying Englishmen,
He’d sniff and come swiftly for us.

–

(Note: This poem and art have appeared here on SW before, a few years ago.) 

• Author
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S. D. Smith

S. D. Smith is an author, a lover of chocolate chip cookies, and a founder of Story Warren. Sam was born and raised in West Virginia, lived in South Africa as a teenager, and returned to West Virginia for his (so-far) extensive adulthood. Sam and his beloved wife, Gina, have four children, two of whom have embarked on adulthood themselves. It was at their home in the Appalachian hills where he told his children many stories, including some featuring heroic rabbits with swords. These later became the Green Ember Series, a now-popular work of moral imagination that has delighted millions around the globe. Sam is a devoted Christian, a lifelong Mountaineer fan, and an enthusiast of sports, books, and humorous things.

Latest posts by S. D. Smith (see all)

• Why Imagination Matters—and You Need Allies - October 13, 2025
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• Author
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Zach Franzen

Zach Franzen is an illustrator and marketing strategist at Story Warren and Longtreader Games, where he helps shape both the art and messaging behind The Green Ember universe. He’s contributed covers and illustrations for 11 books in the series—now working full-time on the 12th as the team expands into video games. He lives in Raleigh/Durham area of North Carolina with his wife and four daughters. He occasionally enjoys a hokey adventure serial.

You can find more of his work online at zachfranzen.com and on Instagram @zachfranzen.

Latest posts by Zach Franzen (see all)

• A Time to Recalibrate - September 19, 2025
• King Arthur and the Giant of Mont Saint Michel - August 6, 2025
• Be More Human - February 17, 2020