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An Invitation

February 17, 2014 by Julie Silander 25 Comments

I’m more likely to be grumpy in February than in any other month. The anticipation and excitement of the holidays have faded into foggy memories. It’s cold outside. I’m tired. Bleh.

This time of year, even the most enjoyable aspects of life can become irritating. Most days, I’m deeply aware of the benefits of our lifestyle. Schooling at home allows the flexibility to enjoy a myriad of rich experiences. Books read together become enduring family friends, and recess often takes the form of digging in the creek or building forts outside. Fidgety boys take basketball breaks when needed, and my crafty girl creates throughout the day. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Usually.

Yet much to my own surprise, I recently found myself engrossed in researching the admission policies and procedures of the private schools in our area. I paid close attention to the big yellow bus schedule and took note that there were plenty of available seats. My mind had begun constructing a new and improved life for myself – one that included long runs and a home with preordained periods of uninterrupted quiet. It had been a dark week. It wasn’t the first. And my commentary has nothing to do with school choice. It has everything to do with the posture of my heart.

I don’t want to be grouchy and discontented. I don’t want to become angry with my kids, short-tempered with my husband, or aloof with my friends. It is my desire to be more. To be patient, kind, and others-centered. But during that discouraging week, I wasn’t having much luck. Rather than deal with the mounting evidence that I was the problem, I found myself trying to sweep it under the carpet. Or perhaps more accurately, put it on the big yellow school bus and send it away.

Voices compete for my attention and energy. There are the high-pitched needs of the children, the muted desires of my husband, and the emphatically heated debate between self-justification and self-contempt that rages inside of me. Yet in the midst of the mental and emotional chaos, a gentle yet unwavering voice emerges…

I’m inviting you to more.

When your children’s needs outweigh your capacity to give,
I’m inviting you to grow in dependence.

When your tired husband returns from a trip and you want his help more than you want him,
I’m inviting you to grow in selflessness.

When you’ve been treated unfairly and want to retaliate (or withdraw),
I’m inviting you to grow in kindness.

When a friend disappoints out of her own insecurities or fears,
I’m inviting you to grow in faithfulness.

When there are mounting bills, 
piles of laundry, 
sick children and weary hearts,
I’m inviting you to grow in joy.

When you’re heartbroken, or even angry, that life doesn’t look like you had hoped,
I’m inviting you to grow in peace.

When customer service eats up half your day then drops your call and 
the guy selling pine needles interrupts dinner while the dog throws up on the living room rug,
I’m inviting you to grow in patience.

When you’re willing to see that the problem isn’t your needy kiddos,

Or those annoying people who interrupt your day,
Or your friends,
Or your spouse,
Or your life situation,

It’s your own selfish heart.

But I’m not condemning you –
I’m inviting you to grow in love.

  • Author
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Julie Silander
Julie Silander
Julie has an affinity for old books, good coffee, and Tookish adventures. You can read more from Julie at https://greenertrees.net/blog/
Julie Silander
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Filed Under: Fostering Imagination

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Comments

  1. Paula Nix says

    February 17, 2014 at 8:27 am

    You read my heart & mind this morning. I, too, have spent this cold month trying to manipulate the circumstances in order to avoid examining my own heart. Thanks for the reminder that I am the problem, but Jesus loves me anyway. And he is the solution.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 17, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      Thanks, Paula. I needed to be reminded as well.

      Reply
  2. Axon Parker says

    February 17, 2014 at 9:01 am

    This has been my last two weeks – I was in such a funk that my husband began to think there was something deeply wrong. And there was something deeply wrong. But it was just plain old selfishness. Thanks for the invitation. I will be joining, by the grace of God.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 17, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Axon – It’s a fine line, isn’t it? There are times when we really do need a break to gain rest, refreshment, and perspective. But there are days when all the distance and rest in the world won’t calm my restless heart. I’m so grateful for grace.

      Reply
  3. Becky says

    February 17, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Oh my goodness. I really, really needed this today. Thank you. My self sure wreaks havoc on all those things: dependence, selflessness, kindness, faithfulness, joy, peace, and patience.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 17, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      My self as well – more often than I’d like to admit. Thanks, Becky.

      Reply
  4. Leanne says

    February 17, 2014 at 10:53 am

    Rings so true. I just said to a friend, “The problem isn’t the problem, the problem is me.” And thanks for the reminder to apply grace to that problem.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 17, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      I’m so grateful that we don’t have to “muster up” the answer to the problem. Our job is to be willing and open to receive. Accepting grace can be hard, can’t it? Sadly, I’d rather try to make life work on my own. Sigh.

      Reply
  5. Margaret Sachsenmaier says

    February 17, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Julie, so beautiful!!! I could have written these same words. (Except that I can’t write! 🙂 ). Thank you for sharing words from the Father himself. Have a wonderful day!

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 17, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Thanks, Margaret. Happy February to you!

      Reply
  6. Ken Priebe says

    February 17, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    Thank you Julie….reading this was a HUGE blessing to me this morning.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 18, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      I’m so glad – thanks for the encouragement.

      Reply
  7. Jacqueline says

    February 17, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    I, too, needed this today. Thank you. “Self-justification and self-contempt”… Yep. Growing in dependence, indeed!

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Sigh. Indeed.

      Reply
  8. Jenn Williams says

    February 18, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Beautifully written and so very true! Thank you for sharing this

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      You’re so very welcome. Thanks for taking the time to read.

      Reply
  9. Kristy Swartz says

    February 18, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Thank you for this gentle reminder that we are invited by Him!

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 18, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      Kristy, It sure is a process, isn’t it? I’m glad that we’re not in it alone.

      Reply
  10. Kathleen says

    February 19, 2014 at 12:23 am

    Oh, thank you for writing this. I know the point was not needy children or home schooling, but our hearts in the midst of all the craziness. Still, some days I fear that I’m just not up to motherhood or our future plans for homeschooling. Well, if the Lord will draw me into greater love and selflessness and patience, then he will enable me to carry out his calling for me here.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 21, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Kathleen – No doubt that whatever calling we’ve been given comes with challenge. For me, it sure helps to take one day at a time, without worrying about what tomorrow (or next year) will bring. Blessings to you and yours.

      Reply
  11. Rachel Huber says

    February 19, 2014 at 11:34 am

    What a beautiful and true picture of the ongoing struggles in our hearts and lives. Your eloquent words blew wind in my sails today. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Julie Silander says

      February 21, 2014 at 1:02 pm

      Thank you, friend.

      Reply
  12. Julie @ Wife, Mother, Gardener says

    February 24, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    I am right with you there, Julie. We have had a tough month of persevering with homeschooling, nasty weather and reoccurring sewer issues.

    Good to remember that we are not alone in our struggle… that there are other people and a Lord who we can turn to for encouragement. Thanks for sharing this!!

    Reply
  13. Meg Welsh says

    March 5, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Love this Julie!

    Reply
  14. Cathimommy says

    February 3, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Love this! Agreed, a better month for us all in 2015? Let’s pray it is so…

    Reply

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