I’m adding some middle-grade cover images to my portfolio (I’m an illustrator) of stories that don’t exist but that I wouldn’t mind reading. I’ve read stories about giants eating sheep, but I’ve never read of a shepherd in those stories. Surely there must be at least one shepherd in all of those accounts who has suffered the indignity of his flock being eaten. After some day dreaming, I decided to do a picture of a shepherd boy awkwardly encountering a giant eating his flock.
Sam Smith saw an early digital sketch of this piece and emailed me an accompanying poem. I am happy to report that the giant isn’t malicious. He just needs to get his snack on.
The Dining Habits of Polonius Wheeler
By S.D. Smith
THERE was a large giant who lived in the woods,
His name was Polonius Wheeler.
He mostly was nice, just a singular vice,
He sometimes became a sheep-stealer.
Wheeler rolled in, nonchalant, to the meadow,
And much to the shepherd’s chagrin.
He grabbed wriggling bunches and gobbled with munches,
The poor, little lambs near to him.
But what was our sad, huge Polonius to do,
With an appetite fixed upon lamb?
Nibble on finches? Settle for pinches,
Of berries, and jellies, and jam?
One must have meat, whatever your size,
Sparing people, what else can he do?
He must balance his diet, without causing riots,
For giants need some protein too.
Let him gobble a chubby white sheep now and then,
And let him eat cake without fuss.
For if he began fancying Englishmen,
He’d sniff and come swiftly for us.
Zach Franzen
You can find more of his work online at zachfranzen.com and on Instagram @zachfranzen.
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I love this post! The poem is hilarious and the art is gorgeous (‘love the cool shade against the warm sun.) More, please!
This is pure gold, both the poem and the illustration.
Poor misunderstood Polonius! Love this. For some reason it made me think of “Jethro and Joel Were a Troll,” by Bill Peet. That giant preferred turnips. 🙂 .
Polonius hasn’t developed a taste for human flesh … yet. I love Bill Peet, but a vegetarian giant stretches credulity:) or maybe that’s just my animosity toward vegetables showing.
True enough. Peet’s one flaw is he has a tendency for vegetarian monsters 🙂 . My husband was just lamenting the plight of giants; how DO they get enough to eat?
Thanks for the kind words. I love Sam’s poem too. I especially like the giant’s name. The only other person named Polonius that I know is Ophelia’s father in Hamlet–a meddling little man with a big name. I like that Sam applies it to a meddling big man:)
I keep coming back to this page, and it makes me smile every time.
Sidenote – I was temporarily disappointed, because the title did make me hope that it would be an illustration and story of a sheep eating a giant. Maybe next time.
But this was so fun. My three-year-old says the giant should try cow meat… and lion meat.
I also like the “drawing illustrations for a story I’d like to read” idea. Thank you!
I understand your disappointment. Sheep will eat anything, and I have no doubt they would eat giant meat if it were available to them. There is something scandalous about the lack of stories featuring carnivore sheep. I love that your three-year-old transitioned from cow meat to lion meat. If anyone can eat lion meat, it’d be a giant, right?
That is hilarious, Amy. I love everything about that comment.
I thought it was going to be sheep eating a giant, too! My three-year-old son, though, for some reason is looking for a picture of a giant falling down in the snow. Maybe next time!
It needs a hyphen. Sheep-eating giant. Lynne Truss’s “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves” has a very memorable chapter on the subject of hyphens.
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who read this thinking, Sheep eating a giant? Terrific!
I’m glad you guys are enjoying it. I love the sketch. And I should say Zach’s edits improved the pedestrian poem quite a bit. This is fun stuff.
Brilliant – all the way round.
Oh Sam, this is awesomeI love the name Polonius and how the words to this poem jump and dance on my tongue as I read it aloud. Your children must be delighted to hear it!
Thanks so much, Brenda. I just read it to them and they laughed, but I hadn’t realized till then that there are a lot of BIG words in it. Oh well, explanation is fun.
I have given in to the pressure. Sheep-eating Giant it is.
It’s weird that these are out of time-order, right?
Morning after reading this to our 4 year old, “I dreamed about giants eating me last night.” A week after reading this to her, from her Sunday school teacher, “Evelyn asks the most interesting questions. Last week she raised her hand to tell us all that she knows of a giant who eats whole people.” I think she might have missed the message.
Well, she’s on the right track. See this space (SW) for more on giants and their ways.
So cool.