As you may have seen on our Facebook page, we’re happy to share the wonderful news that you can pre-order new editions of The Wilderking Trilogy right now from The Rabbit Room store. We love these books and most heartily recommend them to you and your youngsters. My kids devoured them like a box of “chlokates” (as our two-year-old says). Pre-orders help a bunch in this process, so if you’re one of those people who like to enjoy and support top-notch fiction for families, here’s your chance. And what’s more, we’re fixin’ to have ourselves a Feechie Love Poetry Writin’ contest (see the end of the post). Enjoy this guest post from Wilderking author and intrepid, Feechiefen journo, Jonathan Rogers! –Sam
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It’s Valentine’s Day, and love is in the air.
I’ll tell you what else is in the air: the distinctive odor of feechies. Feechies, in case you don’t know, are a mysterious tribe of swamp-dwellers who fight too much, cry too easily, and laugh at jokes they’ve heard a hundred times. I hope you won’t think I’m bragging when I say I that I have a certain expertise with regard to feechies, having written four books about them. (The first three–known as The Wilderking Trilogy–will be back in print as of April 1).
Besides being gifted woodsmen and hunters, feechies can also be poetic and incurably romantic. If you’ve read The Secret of the Swamp King, you may remember a song by a love-struck feechie named Branko Flatbottom. I thought it would be most appropriate to bring it here to Story Warren on Valentine’s Day, in case any of you need some tips on how to tell that special someone how you really feel.
To my knowledge, there is only one man who has taken a tape recorder into the Feechiefen Swamp and come out alive. I am that man. (Again, I hope you won’t think I’m bragging; it’s humbling, in fact, to be so amazing). I had the honor of seeing Branko himself performing on the main singstump at Bug Neck. Here’s the audio from his very soulful performance:
Feechie Love Song
My sweet feechie girl is the swamp’s finest pearl —
A treasure, and man don’t I know it.
And I really do think that she loves me too,
Though she don’t always know how to show it.
Her brown eyes are dark like a loblolly’s bark.
Her skin is as smooth as a gator.
The one time I kissed her, she knocked me cold, mister.
But nothing could cause me to trade her.
She smells just as sweet as a mud turtle’s feet.
Her hair is as soft as a possum.
Once I walked by her side, but she knocked me cross-eyed.
It took me a week to un-cross ’em.
Her voice is as pleasin’ as swamp lily season
She talks kind of froggy and crickety.
Once I give her a rose, and she busted my nose.
My sweetie can be right persnickety.
I’ll give you this warning: you mess with my darling,
I’ll whop you a right, then a left.
And if that ain’t enough, or if you’re extra tough,
I might let her whup you herself.
Feechie love poetry is actually quite easy to write. You should try it. As you can see, a feechie love poem follows a very regular pattern of four-line stanzas: two lines praising the beloved’s appeal (in feechiefied terms). A third line about how the narrator tries to show his love. A fourth line which the beloved misunderstands and beats him up. As for meter and rhyme, it’s 12-8-12-8, internal rhyme on lines 1 and 3, end rhyme on lines 2 and 4.
I’d love to see your feechie love poetry. Why don’t you compose a stanza and put it into a comment below? When the new printing of the Wilderking is done in March, we’ll send copy of The Bark of the Bog Owl to the poet who submits the best feechie poetry.
I look forward to seeing what you owdacious scapers come up with.