I had an email from a friend this morning who saw something in my life and felt called to point it out. It was about how Gina and I parent our kids. I am not always good at receiving this kind of feedback. It’s embarrassing. It makes me feel weird to think people are watching, noticing things. This is so often the avenue of judgement and accusation.
Many people don’t understand that the name, “Devil,” means “Accuser.” It comes (literally) from the idea of throwing stones. On the other hand, both God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are described as our Advocate. It is a Trinitarian task to advocate on behalf of those who are in Christ.
It really does need to be said that loving people includes loving confrontation. If I hate my children, I fail to confront them with their rebellion and sin. This is the case even –no, particularly– when what they are doing comes naturally. That’s what sin is and Christians are called to die to sin in order to live. Failing to correct, refusing to say the same thing God says about our sin, is a way of hating our children, and each other.
That being said, are the fellow-Christians you are letting speak into your life more like Accusers or Advocates?
An Advocate will call you to come clean and do right, but keeps coming back to making an argument on your behalf.
An Accuser can’t see past your sin.
An Advocate can see who you’re becoming.
An Accuser can see the worst of what you’ve done.
An Advocate sees the long story of your life.
An Accuser says, “I know you’re guilty.”
An Advocate says, “I’m on your side.”
That email I mentioned above was from an Advocate. He couldn’t wait to share with me things he saw in our home life that were beautiful to him. He was eager to heap praise and to point out what God was doing.
I needed that. Because, as I wrote to him,
“It’s easy enough to believe only the mess of imperfection that we can see of our lives, and be blind to the good things God is doing. Thanks for seeing that and for taking the time and energy to point it out.”
I don’t want to condone and celebrate sin. I want to avoid hitching a ride on the bandwagon where rebellion and death are celebrated.
But I want to be an advocate for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to see more than sin and the sinner, I want eyes also for the emerging (and already-positioned) saint. I want to be an ally, one who isn’t surprised at seeing sin in others, but one who is quick to extend grace.
I get that my categories of Advocate and Accuser are not air-tight by any means. But here’s my question.
Would you more easily be described as an Accuser, or an Advocate?
I’m not entirely comfortable with how long it takes me to think about how to answer that. So, onward…toward grace.
And a beautiful place to start is with our children.
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I like how the lead-in makes your reader worried and embarrassed, assuming that the email will be from an Accuser. Because we’ve all gotten one of those (even if not about parenting… yet).
It’s so hard to remember this as a parent. I’m even a teacher, so I took the child development classes, and I have no excuse (besides my own pride and sinful heart) for forgetting that it’s so much more effective to encourage what’s right than to shame what’s wrong. I know how to be an Advocate when it’s other people’s children, but in private with my own children, it’s so easy to slip into becoming the Accuser.
I have been trying to advocate for my friends’ parenting lately, too. It’s easy to forget to send that email.
I am with you, Amy. Grace and peace to you on your journey. Thanks for commenting. 🙂
Great article, Sam! I recognize the voices of the accusers–sometimes toward me and sometimes from me. But I’m so thankful for grace and forgiveness. Your message is so timely and true.
Me too, sister. Thanks for being an Advocate in my life.
What a great post! So much of being an Advocate is about encouragement, in the literal “instilling courage” sense. An Advocate exhorts in such a way that they leave the recipient with strength for the journey, ready to fight the good fight. An Accuser saps courage, pointing out sins gracelessly and without providing hope for change and growth in Christ.
I’ve really been convicted lately as to how often we as Christians find it “necessary” to point out sin (don’t get me wrong, it absolutely is necessary sometimes), but overlook the critical work of encouragement. A few years ago my church chose Hebrews 10:24-25 as theme verses for the year and verse 24 in particular stuck with me. “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” Are we really considering our brothers and sisters in Christ, really studying them so that we notice not only the sin their lives (which we’re all too good at finding), but also the peaceable fruits of righteousness? Most importantly, are we then pointing them out to instill encourage and to stir up love and good works?